Raccoons: Nasty Little Critters

My computer/office room is located away from my house. It sits just off the car port, completely detached from the comforts of my house. The idea when we built it was to keep our workspace separate from the more comfortable space inside our home. Now, it’s really just a pain in the ass. Nevertheless, I usually make a stop into the computer room shortly before going to bed. It’s a nice place to relax. We even have a bench in the backyard in between the house and the office. On cool evenings it’s a nice place to spend the last fifteen minutes before going to bed.

Last night, for the first time in a couple of years, I saw some raccoons. See, we've had problems with these nasty buggers before. A family five raccoons took a liking to the fence that runs up my driveway and across the length of my yard serving as a buffer between my neighbor’s beautifully lush deep green colored grass and the slightly blondish looking collection of weeds I keep in my yard. For the entire summer of 2004 those 5 miscreants taunted me. Sometimes they would simply knock over my trash bin. Other times they, when the moon was full, would graffiti my driveway and spray paint there little raccoon tags onto the siding of my house. There were even nights when, after arriving home late from work, the five of them would just sit on the fence watching me as I cautiously made my way towards the door while flashing their raccoon gang signs and making fun of my ride.

We solved the problem easily enough. Basically, a raccoon problem is easy to fix with a couple of coffee cans containing ammonia soaked rags. According to the local animal control authority that we consulted when the problem got out of hand they smell the ammonia and assume that it is the urine of a much larger and potentially dangerous animal.

This time, however, the raccoons had no use for my fence and instead directed their attention towards my neighbors’ garden. Before I continue it should be said that I don’t like a raccoon. Rocky Raccoon? Sure, I mean how could you not? But, a real life raccoon? Well, not so much. There is something about those nasty little bastards. I think it’s the patch of dark colored hair that circles their eyes like a mask. They just look crooked, and last night, in a behavior that suits their looks, they burgled my neighbor’s garden right before my eyes. Talk about gall! They are to the Western Washington suburbs what Gophers are to Southern California. Just a complete annoyance, nay a scourge!

After contemplating the idea of filling my super soaker with ammonia and unleashing hell on the little bastards, I thought better of it. I mean, there’s no reason to poison my neighbors now is there? I suppose that if I see my neighbors tomorrow I’ll just give them the heads up and let them know about the shenanigans that I witnessed last night in their beloved garden. I might even let them in on my ammonia trick. After all it would be the neighborly thing to do and since they have been nice enough to put up with my barking dogs it seems like the least I can do.